She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
