at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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