I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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