I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
