Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
