If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
