wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
