Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I could make wine with my vomit
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
