On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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