Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I have aggressive nipples.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
