i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
