I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
