I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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