I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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