we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
