wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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