after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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