your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
