Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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