i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
