i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
