Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
