and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
