Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
