TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The feeling are messing with the penis
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize