note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He felt like a one man threesome
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
