you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I intend to get homeless drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
The beer is more important than you right now.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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