GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
