And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
They are going to name an STD after you.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
