I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
