I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
