He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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