I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
