My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
