Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I didn't notice because vodka
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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