You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
