I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
