**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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