With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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