I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
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You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
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I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
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