So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
