i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
