pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
