I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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