There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
