hell yes lets make some ravioli
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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