I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
