here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
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Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
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Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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