She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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