I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.