I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
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Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
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I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.