If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
