your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
