Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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