I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
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I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
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We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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