And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My vagina is officially offended.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
