she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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