the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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