i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
