Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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