I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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