when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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