its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I intend to get homeless drunk
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
