Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
